Nancy Stevens, the wellbeing and Self Care Coach, how do we cope with daily realities? Even if they come at us unexpectedly?
So here is Nancy, please let us know what to do at times of chaos. What a loaded beautiful question and topic very, very timely especially as we are just in the midst of or being in the world the way it is to day for sure. lots lots and lots of different avenues and areas for us to personally navigate our lives and how the world is. What really, this area that I specialize in is that of personal nurturing, and finding the time to cultivate and care for and maintain a beautiful level of inner balance which gives us outer balance, no matter what is going on externally. Could be your family life, relationships, work, world issues. Your professional you know a mixture of all three communities so there's at any given time, because we're alive, life is gonna come at us and how we respond to that or if we were just pulled into that energy will show up literally on our face on how again, literally on our face.
We can't you know, some of that is just as we age and mu but when we're under when we're under an undue stress or living externally wanting to take a tonic, put on some moisturizer, whatever and whilst that to do the work without going into our inner resources, the results just aren't going to be lasting. It may give a temporary little bit. The internal as I've come to know, needs to work. In synergy in synchronicity with the external without, without that art, taking time to cultivate the fabric of our inner landscape. No matter what we do externally. It's just putting a bandaid on the symptom and hoping for hoping for those results. So we're propping ourselves up by doing all that external stuff and I'm not saying the external stuff isn't necessary of course it is. Of course we want to exercise, take have healthy, radiant skin, feel good with the foods we eat, etc, etc. However, if we're just going bypassing our own essence, wanting that to work and not resting within after a while what we're doing externally isn't going to get the same results. It's not going to come down off that definitely it's not going to last because I see this when I make a skin really nice and glowy and then as soon as the stress kicks back in two days later, it's gone. So this is why we are going to be talking about the inner beauty before we talk about the outer beauty. Very, very, very important. So what I'm going to be focusing on is you're cultivating intentional living. That's not something that you have to be trained in have lots of time and knowledge intentional living uses your own intuition. And with what I'm going to share with you and just your desire to make this a part of who you are so intentional. Living your life. What is that? It is you lips there when it is you working on and cultivating your own inner landscape that would be bought you know body mind Spirit working together because we're obviously we're so much more than the physical external see in order to be to create change how can we do that if we are mindlessly going from point to point to point each day getting up, press press play and go so at some point, you're going to arrive maybe feeling exhausted, fatigued, wondering why all that product or using your base looks dehydrated, stressed, wrinkled. So you'd be would need to take a moment to pause right notice what's going on why am I why am I feeling mentally chaotic or have anxiety or why do I feel fatigued? Why do I feel I never have any time so those are very that's very vital in order for each one of us to live intentionally and move from being living externally. My skin doesn't look good my eye yeah Wow, something's not quite right date of my emotional well being and physical well being and pausing, pausing to notice and pinpoint and you don't have to you don't have to go right to the heart of it but just saying wow, I'm really feeling tired lately, and I still I've been able to sleep with it. I'm tired. You know while I've got digestive issues, no matter what I do, I'm drinking a gallon of water a day. Using my skincare and my face just looks tired. I've got bags under my eye, you know, I don't I don't know. So taking time to pause and sit with your emotional and physical state, not from a place of being, you know, selfish or self absorbed. But to be curious to be curious and compassion on your behalf because if you don't take the time to do this, who will? You know? It's that's how my journey started. And I'm sure I'm assuming Yolanda your journey into what you're doing probably began that way as well. So we need to pause and take time to ask with compassion, what is how we're feeling and just making a note of that making a note of how we're physically feeling emotionally feeling in relation in connection to whatever and maybe begin to make some draw some awareness as well. Perhaps my work is so stressed so stressful right now, I'm not taking care of myself and my baggy skin or my digestive issues are being tired as a result of my work. Maybe I'm in a relationship that I don't want to deal with. It's just not maybe it's not working right now with my significant other co workers, friend or children. Maybe it's I'm just responding to all the external world events right now. And, you know, feeling overwhelmed, and I'm not taking care of myself. I'm just holding my breath. Taking it one day at a time denying covering, you know, maybe I'm maybe I'm snacking a lot because when I'm eating it takes me out of meeting to take care of that engaging in your binge watching my favorite show or doing activities that take me out of bringing myself back to myself. So I know that I engaged in some of that at a time in my life. I didn't I didn't know what was that first step. So I externally naqt unhealthily had a couple glasses of wine a night unhealthily or I just tried to get more busy thinking that that was going to cover it up or fix it and ultimately it may cover it up a little bit, but your inner landscape is yours. So very big P two, key to intentional living is in pausing because if you want to be in a loving relationship with yourself, we have to notice how we feel then address it instead of just patching it up. So that's a very, very key to success in self care. How would you say we begin the self care what to do first? Do we just stop what is causing the problem? What if we don't know what that is? How do we discover that? Well, I guess like I said, that big one of the big keys in order to even cross over and begin taking action is again that that intentional, loving pause to simply make a note Wow, I'm not feeling myself. I'm living. I'm I'm now a passenger in the driver's in the driver's seat of my life. So step two then most of us are people pleasers or we want to give it give our all to our our home, our career, showing up you know, if we're doing volunteer work, we want to give it all to others. So, step two before we can even take action is giving ourselves permission, all of the amazing support out there for wellbeing, exercise diet. Rest, recreation, won't come to fruition. Unless and until we take what we learned from pausing, and we bring we put wheels underneath out so to speak by giving ourselves permission so huge so many people can make it maybe after they pass they make a big list. Wow, I need to I need to include more healthy eating. I need to lose 10 pounds. I need to exercise daily. I need to unplug from my electronics. I need to get more sleep so they're full of these things that they think are going to help them but then they go back right back into their old well you know their old well worn habit pattern because they haven't totally bought in that they matter. So you have to have high buy in and give yourself permission. Every one of us is also busy and we have a lot of life to juggle. So if you're looking for another person to say wow, you know what you look really do look stressed, I can tell you're not optimal. Why don't you we're giving instead of giving the power to others to look at us and say you have permission to take care of yourself. It's ultimately up to us even if we were hit broadside with Wow, you really need to get some coaching. You really could benefit from weight loss you could benefit from a routine. It isn't until we turn the switch on and give ourselves permission to start taking one little step before implementing, quote a whole lifestyle program. So again, before we can know what to do, we have to be open and loving to ourselves to give ourselves permission because all of the good tips and advice and help isn't going to do anything again until we say yes I am making myself a priority. I'm giving myself permission to do one good thing for me. Okay, so that's we've got that now the way you've taken that pause, gone deep and bought what was underneath the surface up to front and center knowing how you're feeling and what's going on. Then you're gonna give yourself permission that you matter your there's not going to be a magical wave of a wand that says your turn all the lights on you. We're going to give you all the resources and support you need to to rest, renew, refresh, erase those that feeling of not feeling well to have healthy, a healthy, vibrant body and beautiful skin. So permission is a big big deal. Step I guess I wouldn't really call it step three, but along the lines of maybe you Okay, wow, I have permission. Well, what do I do? I can you it's it's going to be a struggle. If you've gone from giving yourself very little time and self care into trying to jump into the room and eat the elephant so to speak like a wine guy. I'm now going to implement a new eating and eating plan and exercise plan. I'm going to you know buy a pair of fitness shoes and exercise every day I'm going to get rid of toxic people I've you know you again doing that many things if you've if you've been inconsistent is going to set you up to take a tumble down. So second, my first my first piece of advice once you've given yourself permission is to find one thing that you have a lot of energy around one thing that really bubbled up to the surface that you are feeling more drawn to for some it's going to be I really love or I want to start exercising more I know that it's going to give me more energy it's going to melt some stress for others. Maybe that's meaning I'm going to not go out to lunch every day if I'm if I'm working or I'm going to stop eating in my car on the way home I'm going to find some healthier snack alternatives if I may stress snacker so again, the answer is not going to come in this big wave. And if you work on try to do 10 things at once. It's going to be overwhelming, especially if you have been inconsistent. So you need to give yourself permission to begin with one thing that really resonates with you that you will bring in as a maybe a less than comfortable behavior. But as you engage in do that one thing consistently it will become a habit it will become part of you that your body starts to crave that you're maybe if you were an unhealthy snack or snacking on whatever that I call it the feel good food or the stress releasing foods, replacing those more quote less than healthy snacks with you know with some healthy alternatives, whether that's, you know, fresh sliced fruit, cheese or crackers, the Bahamas, vegetables healthier, there's many healthy chips I'm just I'm not really saying that this is the key but you know that I'm just giving an example.
Many of us are very good at advising others on what to do. And we just don't don't see that on ourselves. We just can't advise ourselves. So what I have learned is if you start talking to yourself in a third person, as to you know, Yolanda, you need to sleep a little bit more and tonight you're going home earlier you've been working too much or drink more water and go get up and get a glass of water. Basically if you change that to the third person as you were to advise somebody else. It works much better on me and I I did see studies of professionals who have discovered that this actually will work better than trying to say to yourself, I should or I could. Yeah, that's the way I give myself permission because otherwise I will cut the corners and obviously I'll stay in late. Yes. That's a very timely, beautiful piece of advice. Yes. So giving yourself permission and doing it. As you said that works for you in that third in third party addressing yourself by your name or Yolanda. Please leave work early tonight to rest you owe it to yourself versus I should leave work early. So another key listen to listen to how listen to yourself talk. If you are shooting yourself I should exercise more. I need to eat better. I need to stop blah, blah blah. Again, that comes with pausing. Are you being overly critical of yourself as if you were again? Somebody that you dislike would you speak to would you should another person would you tell your I mean do you talk to other people that way you know you should? I can tell you need to lose weight you should lose weight. You should eat more like would you speak how you how you dialogue with yourself? Is that how you show up and talk to others? Most of the times yes, we use the language that we would never use to talk. We use the language to ourselves and that's very judgmental and we shouldn't do that because it doesn't help doesn't stimulate anyhow. In fact studies show that how we how we our own self talk dialogue really is impactful. Like I guess back in the day we thought it was like great to you know get up who you do pick yourself up get going Who do you think you are? You can do more you should do more push ups you need Yeah, postpones plus, but really, studies have shown that being kind and compassionate to yourself is not weakness, or taking a shortcut. When we speak more thoughtfully and compassionately to ourselves. You actually see a much more higher rate of getting that of moving forward. Because you're doing it from a place of care. It's really hard to do something from a place I call of ill will or disconnect or criticizing or judgment. I know we back in the day we thought that being quote, externally judgmental or critical was going to really get results but honestly, that's Old Energy. And what really moves people is in being intentionally cared for. And that means if we don't have other people to do that, we get to step up and do that for ourselves. The care that we give to ourselves with kindness will directly impact our own well being our vibrant, healthy body and good skin is the same care that will also help others so how we talk to ourselves whether or not we give ourselves permission, really it not only impacts us but it also has a huge impact to all others. Yes, I always talk about self care. That is That means it's self love. If you love yourself, you will care for yourself. If you feel guilty when you think of self love. That's a problem. You have to address that you cannot give love away. If you don't have it. Yes thank you for bringing that up. That is again that's it's such a large key in people going from feeling less than struggling, not not being comfortable in their body, to moving forward to be in to having a healthy relationship in their body by creating healthy self care boundaries. We've gone into pausing to notice what is going on in our x inner and outer landscape. We move into self love, giving ourselves authentic real permission to move forward. Even though we don't know the next step by pausing. We're going to maybe we're going to zero in on one item. Work on that one item first and it depends on your own journey. It could be reducing stress, gaining energy more sleep, you know, working on your your intake. So that's a personal thing that's yours. Don't Don't try to take on a whole host of items just to that one thing. Let it feel good to you that's going to bring more success more feelings of competence. And independence that you have it what it takes to move forward. What really worked for me was for me to have instead of a personal morning routine foundation, that at the start of the day, really opens up and impacts how you go through your day no matter what occurs. And literally it shows up in your energy level. In your emotional well being and actually on your face. I get up a little bit earlier in order to have more time now if you're a night owl and you're like oh my gosh, you know so you have to look at the look realistic look at your schedule. If you've got young children to take care of. If you've got a demanding work, maybe you're traveling, you're going to work this into what's realistic and like and likely for your own day. For me having that quiet time. In the morning before every everyone else is getting their day started gives me what I need. I do something very practical when I wake up other than maybe using the restroom. I I hydrate my body I know that my body is dehydrated from sleeping. I do not hit the coffee or the you know the energy drink. I take a large, old glass of water I drink a big 12 ounce glass of water and I let that in wake my body up before I do anything else. I do a little bit of stretching I just kind of do a little just a little upper body like side stretch. Circle my wrist and ankles just kind of get I don't go nuts but I just kind of get the from having come up from bed I kind of get the kinks out and I want to get that water and energy flowing. My next thing I do is I sit in a non distractive quiet place. I don't check my phone ASAP. Maybe again you have to dial that into where you I don't You don't eat I don't get on my laptop. I don't have the TV or music. I just get myself what works for me is I take a few moments in stillness to let my physical body and my emotional body bring themselves into the day yet to be it I do this maybe five, five to 10 minutes. Initially, I was so stressed out that I couldn't I found it impossible to sit still. So again if you're like us to hit the ground running, you're like oh my gosh, that's so hard. dial it back. Do a smaller little bit but I have found cultivating quiet intentional stillness and quiet is huge for your ability to be more creative and more productive. Free if you are one that likes to have morning prayer or meditation and you're comfortable with being still you can factor this in. So it's So step two after I do that, I tend to my face I have my but my little scrunchie on I cleanse and wash my face and I put on my skincare products it I love doing that for myself in the morning. It's physical it tells me that I'm feeding my I'm nourishing my body. Yeah, so then I have a dog we bought a family pet and I love to be out in nature every morning. I don't know where you live that's available to you. It matters to me a lot to ground in center myself. I leash up our dog thanks for listening. We'll see you don't forget to subscribe, connect and share it with your friends energy found in nature. It's very balancing and spiritually nurturing to me I do so that is my routine. Hydrate, quiet time with some prayer and meditation. I also so I do my face, get dressed, leash up our dog go for a walk and while I'm on my walk. I also use that time just to use my positive affirmations. Some do a lot more. That's awesome. So maybe you maybe your routine is going to be if you're one that loves to work out. You're going to maybe work out in your home gym or go for a jog or walk or maybe go to take an early morning class. You're going to make it eat what you need it to be for you and only you that will open up the door when you have this little bitty bit of a routine it's going to open the door for you to extend even more caring, personal self care to you and all of this is going to show up on your face. You're going to feel more comfortable and connected to your body rather than disconnected. Maybe those side comments you're always making. I'm you know out of shape. I need to lose more weight. I don't like how I look are going to start going away because you've taken care to nurture and care for yourself based on your own needs and where you are in your life. Before I get to bed, I need to settle everything that had happened during the day. It needs to settle in my head. If it doesn't, then I'll wake up with a migraine. So I've learned that the hard way. So I do settle I do release whatever it's still lingering. And I put a sound therapy I find it on a YouTube it's very helpful. I found sound therapy which is a vibrational kind of sounds and I just listen through it and it tunes me out of the day. And then when I go to sleep, I don't have any dreams because I clear my mind. I prepare my mind for for the sleep. So when I wake up in the morning, I'm rested and we're happy to start my day. And yes, I do have a dog dog takes me out for walks. I learned to take my shoes off to walk bare feet and that grounds me in the morning and prepares me for the rest of the day. So yes, everyone has different routines and different schedules. Is there anything that you could recommend that we do when we are in the middle of the day? The meeting is coming up in five minutes and the computer crashes? What can we do? How can we get back to balance one thing that I do that that really does help me a lot if I'm starting to feel the bubbling up of anxiousness or feeling like oh my gosh, frustrated. I take one to three full breaths because when you're breathing you really are in the moment and it brings you back from oh my gosh, worst case scenario. Now what I'm so frustrated. It's an exercise. It's available to every single one of us. I've actually done it driving in the car to go to go to work, to go give presentations to calm my overactive mind and my body that might feel really tense. You been placed you place your hand at your belly right at your navel. And, you know, obviously for driving, you're not going to do that. And if your computer crashes and you're like oh my gosh, or I'm like wow, you know that a lot. I just take you take a full inhalation breath you want to feel your feel that deep in the belly. Just inhale, breathing that inhale breath. All the imagine that it's it. It's a tube and it's traveling up, up through here, going through your neck, traveling all the way up and that breath is going to come up and out. Then you're going to exhale, bring that new breath new oxygen new blood flow back into your belly. You can do this one, maybe three times would be the optimal and that breath gives you a mini reset. It's actually very good at creates healthy lung tissue and heart capacity. So it's physically doing something and it's also emotionally balancing you and bringing you back down from you know that moment of worst case scenario thinking or panic or anxiety. The breath is something that's available to every one of us because we all have lungs and that really is a quick little go to perfect. So thank you so much for sharing that with us. And now if any